Amanda (named changed) felt totally alone. Locked in her room night after night. She could hear her mother downstairs with her partner, now very drunk, eating the food Amanda had been denied. Amanda’s stomach growled. “Stock up at school” she’d been told as they refused to give her anything to eat.
Things got so bad that Amanda went to live with her aunt and eventually she was referred to No.3, Oasis’ first ever housing project in Peckham.
A key part of No.3 was, and continues to be, mentoring young adults; building relationships based on unconditional love, trust and support. Back in 1996, when Amanda arrived at No.3, she had a lot to process. But through mentoring, regular meals, and professional counselling she began to heal. After two years of staying with us, Amanda moved into a flat of her own with aspirations to become a family counselor.
“No.3 was my first proper home” she said. “The first place I felt I belonged. It’s shaped my whole life, and I don’t think I would have got anywhere without it.”
That was 29 years ago. Three decades later, the need for bespoke mentoring support for young people like Amanda remains, and it is core to our work with young people in all kinds of settings.
“It’s shaped my whole life, and I don’t think I would have got anywhere without it.”
Amanda
One trusted relationship
Last year, England had a record number of school exclusions. Violence affecting young people is increasing. And young people from disadvantaged backgrounds are four times more likely to have mental health problems. We cannot accept this.
Evidence shows that having even just one trusted adult in their lives can transform a young person’s opportunity to thrive. Whether it’s through a weekly pre-school breakfast meeting, or more intensive support at a point of crisis – the investment of one adult’s unconditional listening and care can be life-altering. That’s the power of one unconditionally loving relationship.
Creating inclusion
Alana (name changed) suffered from a crippling lack of self-confidence which meant she couldn’t form friendships at school. This left her feeling lonely and isolated and struggling with attendance. “I hated breaks and lunch as I had no friends to be with. I would hide in the toilet so that people couldn’t see that I was by myself and tease me,” she said. This all changed when Alana was paired with one of our youth mentors who had a weekly slot with her and invited her to break and lunch clubs. Mentoring provided Alana with additional support, helping her to form friendships and significantly enhance her self-confidence. “I now have somewhere to go at break and lunch and it’s fun. We play games and I’ve started to make friends with those at the club too.” Alana’s school attendance has increased by a notable 26%.
Making a contribution
Seb (name changed) was paired with one of our mentors after being assaulted with a machete and ending up in hospital. Having already been a victim of knife crime, robbery, assault, and modern slavery, Seb was supported by one of our mentors to help him process his trauma. Seb’s life is now on a very different trajectory. He is doing well in school and has even spoken at events on the topic of knife crime to inspire other young people to take control of their lives and their futures. Mentoring helped Seb to change his life, empowering him to make a contribution on his own terms, from a place of dignity.
Both mentor and mentee make a contribution through mentoring. A mentor by offering guidance and encouragement, whilst also learning and growing themselves. And a mentee through taking ownership of their lives and, with support of their mentor, dismantling the barriers that stand in the way of their growth and development.
Reaching our God-given potential
One of the ways we can measure ‘success’ in mentoring is by how safe our young people feel and how able they are to engage in meaningful self-exploration of their feelings, behaviours, and worldview.
“It is so beneficial to other people to have someone who solely cares for them. Some people have never been given the time to be listened to or accepted in a non-judgmental space. Mentoring is that space. It has the ability to help people unlock their potential and let go of limiting beliefs,” says Abbe Barneby, one of our first mentors at No.3 and current Head of Leadership Development at Oasis.
“Some people have never been given the time to be listened to or accepted in a non-judgmental space. Mentoring is that space. It has the ability to help people unlock their potential and let go of limiting beliefs”
Abbe Barneby, Head of Leadership Development
Building community
Luke was on his way home from school when he was attacked by a group of boys. People ignored what was happening and walked by. Luke felt deeply traumatised and humiliated. News of the attack quickly travelled around Luke’s school. He felt everyone was talking about it behind his back. Luke’s teachers didn’t think school was safe for him anymore and suggested he might have to go to another school for his own safety. But he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay in his community. Luke met with one of our Oasis mentors who listened to him, supported him, and managed to work out a way for him to stay at school and start a path back into normal life.
“Mentoring is not just about giving people a fresh start. It’s also about caring for and raising up new leaders who can continue to build stronger communities wherever they are situated,” says Abbe.
Oasis mentoring takes a holistic, place-based approach — working with the ecosystem of relationships within a young person’s local community. Mentoring is not about inserting an adult into a young person’s life. It’s about long-term transformation which, we believe, can only happen in a local neighbourhood context in a joined-up way. That’s why we call our mentoring programmes ‘Oasis 360’, because we know that true transformation needs 360-degree care.
As we look ahead to the future, our methods and models may change but the beating heart of our mentoring programmes will not, because it’s the beating heart of who we are. Loving relationships that transform lives – in communities of inclusion.
If you would like to learn more about how you can support our mentoring work please visit www.oasisNOLO.org.
